dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
