Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
