he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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