I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
