My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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