Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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