the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
