cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
