he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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