he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have grass duct taped all over my body
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
