so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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