Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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