he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
