Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize