hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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