If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
