I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
