dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
