I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
