Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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