I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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