omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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