Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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