I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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