Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
