she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hippo gnu deer
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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