We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
