Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
