She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
