Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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