So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Your cock deserves a montage
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
