Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
