I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
