Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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