i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
