So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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