if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
