I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That's intense
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
