All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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