your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
