I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
