it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
