Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
