Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
