Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
