Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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