why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
