i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i would one night stand the shit outta him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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