and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
