Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize