Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
