I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
