Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
