I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
