there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
