Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize