Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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