Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, beer. Big fan.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
