I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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