i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
