lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
