What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
