I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
