end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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