Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
