New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
