There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My balls are so social today.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
