just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize