We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How does one acquire holy water?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
