That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I party with great urgency now.
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