He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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