My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
