Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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