it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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