Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My feet surprised me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
