It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
