OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
