You smell like a Billy Joel song
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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