Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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