im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he thought i was a dude.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
