for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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